time and space..

i have not written in some time.  there is a lot going on and i probably could have written a great deal to date.  why i stopped has mostly to do with the lack of time, or the feeling that there is no time.  started training for the "tough mudder".  sometimes it's hard to believe that i get up and 4am and actually go run five miles.  running is not my thing and still lately i feel drawn to it.  maybe because the good feeling it gives you when you can see marked improvement.  was doing good in other areas of life as well until friday.  it's so easy to slip back into old habits.  i like the new me better than the old me, just have to stop letting the old back in the door.  i like the changes i have made and when i make old mistakes it really drains me.  what i want to do now is hit the rest button.  i want to say "i am ok, i am alive and have been given yet another chance at a good life.  i will not continue to make these mistakes anymore.  i must improve.  i will move forward and try to forgive myself for the mistakes i have made."  there, it's done.  we'll see how it works.