the day religon died....

     one day my ex and i went to church with her mother.  it was a very nice, well know christian church in southern california.  when i heard the sermon and started to think i remember ass the crap that i had been through in my life.  the bad decisions, the heartbreak, the abuse.  towards the end they asked if anyone wanted to be saved.  yes i thought, i want to be rid of this baggage. i took a leap of faith, literally.  i went up to the front and stood there as the pastor (or whatever they call him) began to pray for us.  i felt new, clean, absolved.  i was excited about the new joy that i had found.  on the train back to base that weekend i read my bible vigourusly and wanted for nothing other than to enjoy this new feeling.  after some time my ex moved down closer to me and we decided that we should go look for a church.  what luck!  there is a "name with held" right down the street.

     my ex had a 3 year old son from a boyfriend that had died in a firey car crash.  yes, really.  i was a new parent both to myself and to him, we were in a new town and this was a new church.  so you could understand why he was aprehensive about being left in the day care room while we went to see the sermon.  i tried my best to put on my "dad" voice and face to reasure him that he would be ok and that these were nice people.  it worked not so much and his mother had to step in and console him.  all very understandable i think. 

     out of the corner of my eye i can see a 40 something man in slacks and a long sleeve shirt watching us with his hands on his hips.  with disgust he pushed past us through the doorway of the day care and started to yell at what i asume was his son (a boy of about 6 or 7 sitting near the back of the class).

       "You will sit down, you will do what you are told and i don't want to hear any different or ELSE!"  he said all fire and brimstone-ish.  his son (who was sitting quietly reading a book) stood up and looked around with a kind of confusion that probably stays with a person for quite a while "wha..i was being a good boy?".  as for the man, well he walked off down a hall way and continued to mutter, loudly, "i am the man of my house..blah blah blah.."  what a dick i thought.  he didn't know what was happening, didn't know the situation, what kind of shit was that? and in church no less. 

     i blew it off.  i am an adult, in church.  who knows what that guys problem is.  my ex had calmed my step son down and we were able to take our leave.  into the assembly hall we go, find a seat, sing a little wait for the pastor.  low and behold who is it that comes out to help heal the masses.  the dick from the day care.  i couldn't believe it.  this is the man that is supposed to tell me how to get closer to god.  this guy that walks into a situation and throws half assed judgments around.  not even walks into a situation, because that would mean that something HAD to be done, he just threw himself into OUR situation that we were already handling. 

     there is no way that i can go into another church now and not see the man up there other than what he truly is, just some MAN, a corruptible, self absorbed, pathetic man.  using this position to make himself feel better, and not in a righteous, well intentioned and heart felt way.  nope.  he's just some asshole.  you knew him in high school.  he's the guy that got picked last at everything.  this is his way of fueling his ego. 

     that's the day that religion died and spirituality was born.  i don't need a man in a fancy suit to tell me how to talk to god.  i can do that all by myself, and do.  sometimes when i go out into the wilderness to walk or fish by myself i can feel his presence. i talk to him there and can feel his breath.  i don't have to have a building to go to and give money to in order to know that i am helping to do gods work, i can give to the poor directly or offer my time to a shelter. 

the end.