new here

holly shit ive been away for a while and the world can change in a second so guess what happened in the time ive been away.  there's more to come but in short;  that new person you want to be, they're already there.... you just have to let them out of the cage.  ttyl

third shift...

moved to third shift the beginning of this week.  it feels neat to be awake while everyone else is asleep.  like i get to see the world while others are missing it.  did you know shit actually happens between the hours of midnight and 5am.?  I've been wanting to get away for sometime now.  i don't know what i meant by away but this seems to be fitting the bill.  i can still interact with the family in a sufficient way.  but i also get tons of time to myself now.  i think that is what i really needed.  to just be alone for a while.  i had this kind of time when i was younger but pissed it away being afraid of it.  i get to think what i want to think without the tv telling me what's best for me.  i get to ride like a son of a bitch and i don't have to dodge to many cars.  i can listen to what ever i want to at work and not worry about the old man turning it off while muttering under his breath.  i can leave my head shaved into a Mohawk and wear what ever i want to work while working at any speed i chose on what i chose.  it's almost like being in one of those movies where every thing and every one is gone.  only i get to interact with people after a while....when i want to.  Ha, as long as i keep putting the magic numbers into the machine every night my new little world won't explode.  tomorrow should be fun.  i get some time during the day with out the kids or wife.  i'll probably go to the book store or something like that.  i have to be careful, if i fall to deep into this i can get carried away.  i won't start collecting jars of urine or anything,  i just start to stop talking to people.  i get all messy with person to person interaction.  i'll also have time to start working on my artwork, motorcycle projects, .... maybe even learn a new language.  hhmmm, German, Latin, Japanese....yeah right, maybe i'll build a rocket and fly my ass to the moon too. 

things i don't miss; traffic, listening to co-workers bitch, prime time tv...

tough mudder...

12 miles, 28 obsticles, ice water, mud, rocks, swamp water, mud, electricity, smoke, walls, barb wire, mud, rope ladders, crazy monkey monkey bars.......something wrong with my knee, throbing ankle, taste of vomit in my throat, aching feet, muscles fatigued, thirsty....smiling, happy, proud......finished.

tough mudder...

we are going on a run and by we i mean me although i will have watchers of me i will run alone.  feeling kinda nervous, didn't get to train like i should have but o'well here we go.

junkie....

watching national geograhic taboo.  they are talking about junkies.  the one i take notice of is adreniline junkies.  they say these people are junkies and they feel the same thing as crack addicts.  is that really it?  the definition is that if you do something that is "dangerous" and have felt or know the "consequences" but continue to do it then you are a junkie.  really?  cuz every day i go to or come home from work on my bike i almost die.  really.  bu t i continue to do it.  and to be honest i keep looking fo r ways to "up the stakes".  i don't wear a helmet, i speed, i start shit with cars while i am on a very vonerable bike.  why.  they say that to feel like nothing else matters is more of a sign that you are addicted.  the base jumper says he is more alive than most other people will ever know. .. i have to agree with him.   those other people are dead already.  but maybe i am crazy.  did you know that you can become addicted to gaming.  there was a couple that let their baby die becase they were "to busy".   hmmmmm 



to be reformed.

many clubs...

     deer crossing saloon.  i have never even heard of the place and had it not been for a friend inviting me out there to a gathering of Motorcycle Clubs i still wouldn't.  it was a short ride from a usual meet up spot that feels like the middle of the city.  however, once there if you were not able to see the freeway from the bars lot you would think that you were in the middle of nowhere.  which is an interesting feeling when you don't wear colors on your back and you are in the middle of about 20 different clubs totaling out to be about 100 - 150 riders.  i have been riding for a while.  always by myself.  this is the first time that i have considered joining any club let alone a motorcycle club.  being there reminded me of a feeling i had one day when i was a kid.  i had gone on a trip with my dad and we stopped somewhere in new mexico.  the guy in line in front of us at a gas station had this huge six shooter hanging off his hip.  for some reason i wasn't scared, maybe because when everyone is carrying you know that people are less likely to fuck with each other.  who wants to get shot over some silly shit.  not many.  i don't know if any of these guys were carrying or not,  but what i do know is that nobody wanted to be the guy that started shit that was not going to be acceptable to anybody. 

after all that takes place at one of these events about 10 of us rode to a friends house.  it was more of the same.  you see when you ride alone people fuck with you.  really.  they cut you off, ride your ass and even try to share lanes with you.  all the time not really giving a shit at how quickly they could end your life.  BUT, when you ride in a group you have been made more of an equal.  who wants to be the guy that rides the last riders ass when he's trailing 9 other burly ass looking animals.  not many.  so maybe the animals have it right.  there is safety in numbers.